Good Baby TipsTips for keeping your baby happy and healthy

The dummy debate, whether to give it to your baby or not, its advantages and disadvantages, has been a long standing discussion between parents and an area where you are most likely to receive conflicting advice. Dummies, whether liked or not, have been used for decades by mothers to pacify their children. To give your child a dummy or not is up to you, however, it is important to have all the information about its pros and cons before making a decision.

Sucking, as mentioned earlier in Benefits of Breast Feeding and Thumb Sucking, is a baby’s earliest reflex. Some ultrasounds show babies sucking on their thumbs inside the mother’s womb. It is easy to reason out a baby’s need to suck even before birth. By sucking on his thumb he develops the ability that is so vital to fulfill his nutritional needs later. Dummies pacify babies by fulfilling this need to suck, but that also requires a wise decision on the parent’s part. Otherwise it might lead to over dependency on the dummy and yield disadvantages discussed later in this article.

What is a dummy?A dummy is a ‘blind’ teat (without a hole in it) attached to a disc that rests against the baby’s lips to keep the teat from being pulled entirely into his mouth. On the back of the disc is a ring by which the pacifier can be held by the baby, or attached to his clothes by a ribbon. Never hang the dummy around a baby’s neck in a ribbon; there is a risk of the baby being strangled by the ribbon if it winds around his neck. (Baby and Child Care by Dr. Benjamin Spock)

When and why do parents use a dummy?

It is noted that dummies are mostly used when the baby is 2-3 months old. Surveys have also shown that parents usually use dummies when it is their first child and more likely, if it’s a boy. Dummies pacify crying babies because sucking on something calms them down. The reason for a baby’s cry could be anything from being colic to wanting to suck at something the whole time. Some babies have a very strong urge to suck so they want to be at the breast or bottle the whole time. This demand can be very hard to fulfill and the baby’s constant crying can be very disturbing and distractive. For such babies, dummies can be very helpful (although a mother must take care of a dummy affecting her milk supply which is discussed later.) A baby often reacts quickly and absolutely to dummies. He either accepts it and enjoys it very much or rejects it completely.

Advantages of a dummy:

• Sleep: A dummy can help in putting a baby to sleep. A pacifier also helps to keep the baby asleep even if he is disturbed at night. He will start to suck on the dummy and has more chances of going back to sleep without opening his eyes.
• Calming: As sucking helps babies to calm themselves and gives them a feeling of security, a dummy can help a baby if he is suddenly frightened by something around him. Parents also widely use dummies through their baby’s colic episodes.
• Dental problems: If a baby is given a dummy he is less likely to develop the habit of thumb sucking. Dummies and thumb sucking, both can lead to dental problems and people argue that both are as aesthetically displeasing. Then why substitute the thumb with a dummy? Their argument is valid but children are often weaned off dummies (or they should be) by the age of 3-4 months. Colic ends by that time too so a dummy is less needed. On the other hand, thumb sucking is likely to persist for a longer period and has more chances of creating dental problems when the baby begins to teeth. A dummy can be thrown away at one point but the thumb cannot. Recent research also shows that children who suck their fingers rather than dummies have higher chances of tooth decay because sucking a dummy produces more saliva which helps combat plaque.
• Lesser risk of smoking as adults: Research shows that adults who have had dummies as babies are less likely to take up smoking. (Click for source)
• Lesser risk of Cot Death: In June 2007 The Foundation for Study of Infant Deaths announced that putting the baby to sleep with a dummy can reduce the risk of cot death or Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS.) No one reason has been pointed out for SIDS; however, many precautionary measures have been suggested. The use of a dummy while a baby is sleeping is one of them. The dummies’ bulky external handles might prevent babies suffering accidental lack of oxygen from having their faces buried in blankets or underneath adults’ bodies. Sucking dummies also improves development of babies’ airways. It is also thought that sleeping with a dummy positively affects a baby’s sleeping posture and helps prevent SIDS. Another theory also explains that a dummy might keep a baby in a greater state of arousal while sleeping, making him less vulnerable to SIDS. (Click for source:)

Disadvantages of using a dummy:

• Possible link to ear infections: There is thought to be a possible link between prolonged dummy use and middle ear infections. It’s thought that sucking on a dummy increases the chance of an infection back-tracking from the mouth into the Eustachian tube (the air-filled passage connecting the middle ear with the back of the throat.) A study conducted in Netherlands showed that children who used a dummy were slightly more prone to ear infection for the first time. However, the tendency for them to get ear infection repeatedly, when using a dummy, after the first time, increases. The researchers think this might be because the first infection irritates the lining of a child’s ear. This could make them more vulnerable to ear infections in future. So, sucking a dummy might cause ear infections in children who already have irritation in their ear, but not in children who don’t. Although this is only a theory. (Click for source)
• Long-term dummy use and dental problems: Using dummies for a long term can also cause dental problems especially if the child is still using it as a comforter when his milk or permanent teeth appear. That is why it is important to wean a baby off the dummy in the first few months of his life.
• Speech Problems: A dummy prevents babies from babbling, which is the foundation of speech and an important step in learning to talk. It also discourages toddlers from chatting and communicating with others readily, which they need to do to develop their language skills. A dummy may prevent a baby from using all his tongue movements. An older baby’s ability to swallow may also be impaired, and this can result in difficulties with speech. Once he starts to speak, he may talk from the back of his mouth instead of the front. Nadine Arditti, a speech therapist from Manchester, researched children attending her clinic and found that just over half of all dummy-users in her area had been referred for speech therapy. (Click for source)
• Problems with breast feeding: The supply of milk is reduced because of excessive use of a dummy in the initial weeks of a baby’s life. The baby’s sucking on the breasts produces exactly the amount of milk he needs. By reducing that and substituting it with sucking on a dummy, there is a chance of reducing the supply of milk in the mother. Mothers also use dummies to stretch out the period between breastfeeds, thus reducing their supply of breast milk. It is therefore advised not to give the baby a dummy in the first 1-2 months so that he establishes a regular cycle of feeding. Then, occasionally giving him the dummy won’t affect the mother’s supply of milk. It is also thought that dummies alter an infant’s sucking technique. Dummies may cause sucking confusion for a small baby and this can result in early weaning. (Click for source)
• Mouth breathing: Sometimes, babies who use dummies develop the habit of breathing through their mouths which, in turn, results in long-term dribbling. (Click for source)

Important things to keep in mind for using a dummy:

• Before popping a dummy into a baby’s mouth make sure he is not crying because of something else.
• Don’t get in a habit of using a dummy regularly. Keep it as a last resort when the baby is crying or offer it only at bedtime or spells of colic.
• Don’t automatically give a dummy to your baby; wait for him to ask for it.
• Wean your baby off the dummy as soon as possible, especially before he is 10-12 months old. It gets much harder to wean a baby after this age.
• Do not dip the dummy in something sweet like honey, jam or orange juice. It accelerates tooth decay.
• If your child starts to talk while he is still using the dummy, discourage him from talking with it in his mouth.
• If you decide to use a dummy, use an orthodontic one.
• Sterilize the dummy just like you sterilize other feeding bottles and nipples for your baby and keep it as clean as possible.
• Keep a regular check on the condition of your baby’s dummies. Check for cracks, splits and holes that can trap germs. Replace old dummies immediately.
• Do not hang dummies around your baby’s neck with a string or ribbon. It can be dangerous if the ribbon wraps around the neck.

Weaning from the dummy:

When the right time comes, your child might not be very willing to give up his dummy. Some children get very attached to them. Then you can try using the following tips:

• Try putting a complete stop to it. Usually children fret and cry for only 2-3 days before adjusting to a non-dummy life. Try to accomplish this task at a time when you have a little help and rest, for example on a weekend. Choose the right time to give it up, not when you are under pressure to do so.
• If this does not work try gradually reducing the times you allow your baby to have his dummy, for example at bedtime only.
• Tell your child that giving up a dummy is a good thing to do. Persuade them to give their dummies to someone older they love and respect. Also try to get an older child to agree with you that giving up a dummy is a sensible thing to do. Little children love acting like grown ups.
• Reward your child for giving up his dummy but do not reward him with sweets. You can also use a star chart to motivate him.
• Once you have decided to give up the dummy, don’t be tempted to give it back and make sure there are none left lying around the house.

The Fear of Spoiling:

The fear of spoiling a baby, especially for first time parents, is a constant companion in parenthood. Not knowing what parenthood is like and always anxious to please their child, parents worry that they will spoil their baby’s habits, making him, in turn, a spoilt toddler, a spoilt child and a spoilt teenager. The fear of spoiling one’s own child come from the Spoiling Theory, popularized by childcare ‘experts’ in the early part of the twentieth century. The theory suggests that if you pick up a baby when he cries, he will understand that this is the way to get things done his way. Consequently, he will cry more to be picked up. However, observation and research shows that this is not true in real life.

New parents are also warned against “manipulation” at the hands of their baby. It should be understood that the baby is too young to understand manipulation. He does not purposefully annoy his mother. When he cries in the first few months of his life, he is expressing a need that should be fulfilled. He is not trying to take undue advantage.

What to Do When My Baby Cries:

Keep in mind that very young babies cannot be spoilt. Their crying does not indicate that they need undue attention. As it is their only mode of communication. If a baby cries he is only communicating that need to us. Something that rightly requires attention. Maybe he is hungry, or sleepy, or wet, or in pain. If a baby does not cry, the parents would never get to know that he needs something.

In the early twentieth century, mothers were told not to give ‘undue’ attention to their child, which meant that they were to ignore the baby unless it was his feeding time. They had to endure the torture of seeing their baby cry and scream and not be able to pick him up and soothe him. People also thought that feeding the baby on self-demand would spoil him. However, researches now show that rushing to meet your baby’s needs actually builds a strong bond of love, trust and security. When the mother gives importance to a baby’s cry, it teaches him self-worth. He also understands not to cry without a purpose. Contrary to the belief that babies become very dependent on parents if all their needs are met by them, it is observed that in the long run, babies whose needs are immediately met grow up to be more confident and independent.

Never underestimate the importance of holding and touching your baby when he cries and needs comforting. According to Complete Pregnancy and Baby Book, picking up and holding the baby does not spoil him. Instead, it is a recognized fact that touching a baby helps to build a bond between the mother and child. Mothers who are separated from their babies during the first hour after birth are less confident in their intuitive mothering skills than those who hold theirs and go through the bonding process. As the skin is the baby’s largest and most well-developed sensory organ, the gentle and warm touch of the parents reassures him of their love.

Is it Impossible to Spoil a Baby?

Till 4 or 6 months of age, it is impossible to make a brat out of your child. Till this age babies only express their physical needs (sleep, hunger etc.) and psychological needs (to be held, comforted, reassured etc.) through crying. As the baby’s wants are his needs too till this age, a consistent ‘yes’ response teaches him trust and make him more accepting of a ‘no’ later. However, as the baby grows older, he will learn to express other desires and ask for things that might be harmful for him. This is where you, as a parent, should decide for him. If you do not stop him from things that are harmful for him at this age, there is definitely a chance of spoiling hm. When the baby starts to realize his power, he might exert it.

People often worry about having out-of-control toddlers. This can certainly happen if you keep giving in to each and every demand of the child. It is important to distinguish between the baby’s needs and demands and parents often struggle to do so. A good point to remember to distinguish between these is suggested by Dr. Greene. According to him, whenever your baby asks for something “ask yourself if you are giving your baby what they want or if you are giving in to what they want.” (Click for source)

Holding your baby, responding to his cries, nursing him on cue, and even sleeping with him won’t spoil him. Every baby might have some unique requirement of his own, e.g. some babies want to be cuddled all the time. Even fulfilling these would not mean you are spoiling him. Responding appropriately to your baby won’t spoil him; spoiling suggests responding inappropriately. It is up to you to decide where you want to draw the line.

Attachment Parenting and Indulgent Parenting:

Parents often worry about which style of parenting to adopt to avoid spoiling their children. Some people are of the opinion that ‘attachment parenting’ spoils children but it is important to remember that attachment parenting is not the same as overindulging kids or creating inappropriate dependency. Attachment is a parenting philosophy based on the principles of the attachment theory in developmental psychology. According to attachment theory, a strong emotional bond with parents during childhood, is a precursor of secure, empathic relationships in adulthood. (Click for source) The possessive or over-indulgent parent is constantly in a flurry around her child, doing everything for him because of her own fears and insecurity. Her child may become overly dependent, because he has been kept from doing what he needs to do. An attached mother recognizes when it is appropriate to let her child struggle a bit, experience some frustration, so that he can grow. This is why it is important to balance your chosen parenting style. Attachment differs from dependency. Attachment enhances development; prolonged dependency hinders development. (Click for source)

Some Possible Causes of Parents’ Overindulgence:

Spoiling usually happens, or parents come near it, with the first child. Not only is it a new experience for them and they feel anxiously responsible for that little helpless human and try to do something to comfort him every time he cries, they also project their own hopes and fears on their first born. After their first experience, when the baby cries the parents are more assured and confident, they have a sense of proportion. They do not feel guilty about denying their child something that they are absolutely sure is for his good.

But still, some parents give in to their children’s demands more easily than other. According to Dr. Spock in Baby and Child Care, its possible cause could be:

• They have waited for a long time for a baby or suspect that they cannot have another.
• They have too little self-confidence and become slaves to whatever the child wants. They start expecting him to be whatever they could not be in life.
• They have adopted a baby and feel that they have to do a superhuman job to prove themselves worthy.
• Parents who have studied child psychology/medicine/nursing and feel they need to prove their capability in that field.
• They feel ashamed if they are upset with the baby and try to make things even by giving in to whatever he is asking for.

Always remember, giving love to your baby, hugging, touching, comforting, spending time with him cannot spoil him. It actually is the best part of parenthood. Babies soon grow out of your arms and want to explore everything on their own. So enjoy it while it lasts. Loving your child does not spoil him; in fact, you can never love him enough. Children with happy and secure childhoods are more likely to become confident and independent adults. But the hard part of parenting is to know when to say ‘no’ and be firm about it. It is for your child’s benefit and in the long run, you will see that your child will be grateful to you.

Sucking is a child’s inherent need. According to Vicki Lansky in Complete Pregnancy & Baby Book, Nonnutritive sucking (that is, sucking for pleasure and not for nutrition) is one of the baby’s first means of exploration. Babies use their mouths for exploring the world by touching and tasting objects.

Rosemarie Van Norman is a Certified Orofacial Myologist – an expert in thumb and finger sucking. She says, “Thumb-sucking actually makes the brain produce endorphins, which calm the body and give the child pleasure-almost like that feeling of satisfaction you get after eating a big meal. There’s an actual change in body chemistry that takes place when a child sucks his thumb.” (Click for source)

 
What to do if my baby sucks his thumb?
The main reason that a baby sucks his thumb is that he hasn’t had enough sucking at the breast or bottle to satisfy his sucking needs. Every baby varies in his sucking instincts. Most start it before three months of age but some start to thumb suck in the delivery room and keep at it. Some are even seen in an ultrasound, inside the womb, sucking their thumbs. It might be an instinct running in the family.

It is not a matter of concern if the baby sucks his thumb for only a few minutes before his feeding time. He is probably hungry. It becomes a cause of concern when he tries to get his thumb just as soon as his feed is over, or when he sucks a lot between feeds. This means that his sucking desire is not being fulfilled and it would be a good idea to let him suck on the bottle or breast for a few extra minutes. You should also think of ways to satisfy his sucking desire, for instance, by giving him a dummy or pacifier. The most effective method, by far, to prevent thumb sucking is the ample use of the dummy/pacifier in first 3 months because the baby’s need to suck is strongest during that period.

Is there a difference in the tendency of breast-fed babies and bottle-fed babies to become thumb suckers?
In his book, Baby and Child Care, Dr. Benjamin Spock expresses the opinion that breast-fed babies are less likely to become thumb suckers. This is because the baby gets the maximum amount of milk in the first 5-6 minutes of feeding and nurses on the breast for several more minutes just to satisfy his desire. On the other hand, a bottle-fed baby, after finishing his bottle in a few minutes does not suck on it for long either because he does not like to take in air or the mother removes the bottle when it’s empty.

For breast-fed babies who become thumb suckers, try to keep the baby at each breast for as long as he wants. If he doesn’t want to nurse any longer, there is nothing you can do about it except offering him the other breast and keeping him there for as long as he desires. For bottle-fed babies, thumb sucking starts when the baby starts to finish his bottle in 10 minutes instead of 20. To avoid this it is recommended to often change the rubber teats that allow air to enter the bottle. When they become old and loose and let air come in, the baby can finish the milk quicker. When the bottle is more air-tight it will take the child longer to finish it. This practice should be kept up for at least the first 6 months.

For thumb suckers, drop feeds slowly.
It is not only the length of each feed but the number of feeds given to a baby that determine his thumb sucking too. With such babies it is advisable to drop feeds slowly. A child might be content with sleeping through a feed time with a lot of thumb sucking. In this scenario that particular feed time should not be dropped rapidly as the child’s thumb sucking indicates that he is feeling hungry.

Does thumb sucking affect a child’s teeth or thumbs?
As many parents are concerned, thumb sucking does not affect a child’s permanent teeth. True, thumb sucking can result in pushing the upper milk teeth forward and the lower teeth back (depending on the frequency of sucking and the position the thumb is held in,) but it does not affect the permanent teeth that start to appear around 6 years of age.

Some parents also worry that if a child sucks on his thumb it will not grow properly. That is not true, it might become sore and soggy due to the enzymes in the saliva that cause a mild dermatitis, but according to Dr. Hilary Jones, that can be easily cured by cortisone creams.  (Click for source)

Why do babies suck their thumbs beyond 6 months?
Up till now, the discussion of thumb sucking was related to babies less than 6 months. If a baby continues to suck his thumb beyond this age, it is not due to hunger but because he finds comfort in the act. Babies older than 6 months often have a desire to return to the state when they had a close bond with the mother and nestled at her breast. Simultaneously they also want to preserve the freedom they acquire when they leave breast feeding. Thumb sucking then works as a comforter when the baby is tired, bored or frustrated.
  
Isn’t it better if a child is prevented from thumb sucking as soon as he shows the first signs?
If your baby starts thumb, finger or hand sucking, it is not preferable to stop him directly. This habit usually tapers off itself in a few months. Some parents try to put restraints on children, for instance tying down a baby’s arms or putting aluminum mittens on them. In mild cases of thumb sucking this might prove helpful but it does not cure permanent thumb suckers because as soon as the restraints are taken off, the baby puts his thumb back in his mouth. Sometimes babies also suck and chew their tongue when they do not have anything else to suck on. This practice is called ruminating. It often happens when the baby cannot access his thumb. It is strongly advised to let such a baby suck on this thumb instead of his tongue so that ruminating does not become a habit.

Doctors have observed that other techniques such as elbow splints, mitts and bad-tasting stuff only makes the child miserable, doesn’t make him stop and in some cases, actually prolongs the habit. So if your child is still sucking his thumb beyond the age of six, do not scold him or jump forward to pull his thumb out of his mouth every time. Instead, it would be a good idea to keep things around (toys for example) to distract the child into forgetting about sucking his thumb.

Should parents worry?
Parents often worry needlessly about their baby’s thumb sucking. If the child is generally active, outgoing and happy, which most thumb suckers are and as it has been noticed, children severely deprived of affection don’t thumb-suck, the parents need not worry. If a child is sucking his thumb for a great deal of time the parents should think of things they can do so that the child doesn’t need to comfort himself so much. For example, maybe he is bored and needs other children’s company, or perhaps he’s scolded too often and needs a little more freedom to do what he likes etc. The most important thing for parents is not to keep worrying constantly about their baby’s thumb sucking. This would lead them to nag him all the time and even if they don’t, the child would feel their anxiety and react to it. Thumb sucking, in an overwhelming number of cases, peters out itself between the ages of 3 and 6.